There are times where I find myself pissing off precious time by spending it on Facebook.
After numerous times of deactivating my account, deleting post from a year + ago, and completely altering my account to hind my identity. The heinous part of it all is – I am not able to simply DELETE my account. I can assure you now understand why I am making drastic changes to become incognito on Facebook since I do not have the freedom to simply delete it.
As I scrolled down past horrible times which were recalled by the obvious status’ – I had no true intention to continue investing my time to lurk, debate, or squander any more of my time on a crippling website.
Finally, I cut out what was hindering me from being happy and doing what I said I would do last year.
Among the scrolling thru my past post – feeling ashamed for time wasted on gaining likes and attention – I stumble across some post from spring of 2016 reading, ” I need to uproot from this town and move.” Another was explaining how I was going to begin nursing school that year;
With many tears, unexpressed pain, and late nights wasted chasing love – I have felt the guilt, pique, conflating with a bolt, of what it seemed to be, nightmares that I am recuperating from. With slight tightening in my chest from holding back the violating thoughts urging me to weep. I have done enough of that, on the nights where I found myself being peeled off of the parking lot floor recovering from alcohol poisoning; looking in the rear view mirror at a fool who was in love with his past; leaving a club with someone I met from uni who is a pathological lying sucker, then boney biker who lied about his girlfriend and pursued to kiss me and take me on a date. [I am not even done] Then that time when I crushed on a shorty, then got a staph infection on my back from a dirty mixed martial arts, quit working out, took a break from uni., noticed my lack of self maintenance, spent my time with someone who lacked oral hygiene, wore smelly boat shoes, and belittled me and more…
I could not express how low I felt last year. I allowed myself to become folly and exposed my vulnerable persona to temporary toads, a kiss did not magically turn any candidate into a prince. I daydream about going back to those times to make better decisions, so today’s reconstructive process would be easier.
With the idea of deactivating Facebook, unfortunately, I can not do the same with the unforgettable memories.
“An old alchemist gave the following consolation to one of his disciples: “No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do your work truly and conscientiously, unknown friends will come and seek you.”
YOUR PERSONALITY TYPE IS:
Logisticians of course aren’t limited to these organizations – there are many other roles that utilize their reliability, objectivity and sharp eyes. When facts and logic are out of place, Logistician personalities swoop in as the accountants, auditors, data analysts, financial managers, business administrators and even doctors that identify, report and correct the issues at hand.
Most of these careers have Logisticians working alone, which is usually their preference, but when teams are necessary, they are best defined by clearly outlined roles, responsibilities and work environments.
- Stubborn – The facts are the facts, and Logisticians tend to resist any new idea that isn’t supported by them. This factual decision-making process also makes it difficult for people with the Logistician personality type to accept that they were wrong about something – but anyone can miss a detail, even them.
- Insensitive – While not intentionally harsh, Logisticians often hurt more sensitive types’ feelings by the simple mantra that honesty is the best policy. Logistician personalities may take emotions into consideration, but really only so far as to determine the most effective way to say what needs to be said.
- Always by the Book – Logisticians believe that things work best with clearly defined rules, but this makes them reluctant to bend those rules or try new things, even when the downside is minimal. Truly unstructured environments leave Logisticians all but paralyzed.
- Judgmental – Opinions are opinions and facts are facts, and Logisticians are unlikely to respect people who disagree with those facts, or especially those who remain willfully ignorant of them.
- Often Unreasonably Blame Themselves – All this can combine to make Logisticians believe they are the only ones who can see projects through reliably. As they load themselves with extra work and responsibilities, turning away good intentions and helpful ideas, Logisticians sooner or later hit a tipping point where they simply can’t deliver. Since they’ve heaped the responsibility on themselves, Logisticians then believe the responsibility for failure is theirs alone to bear.
- Honest and Direct – Integrity is the heart of the Logistician personality type. Emotional manipulation, mind games and reassuring lies all run counter to Logisticians’ preference for managing the reality of the situations they encounter with plain and simple honesty.
- Strong-willed and Dutiful – Logisticians embody that integrity in their actions too, working hard and staying focused on their goals. Patient and determined, people with the Logistician personality type meet their obligations, period.
- Very Responsible – Logisticians’ word is a promise, and a promise means everything. Logisticians would rather run themselves into the ground with extra days and lost sleep than fail to deliver the results they said they would. Loyalty is a strong sentiment for Logistician personalities, and they fulfill their duties to the people and organizations they’ve committed themselves to.
- Calm and Practical – None of their promises would mean much if Logisticians lost their tempers and broke down at every sign of hardship – they keep their feet on the ground and make clear, rational decisions. Peoples’ preferences are a factor to consider in this process, and Logisticians work to make the best use of individual qualities, but these decisions are made with effectiveness in mind more so than empathy. The same applies to criticisms, for others and themselves.
- Create and Enforce Order – The primary goal of any Logistician is to be effective in what they’ve chosen to do, and they believe that this is accomplished best when everyone involved knows exactly what is going on and why. Unclear guidelines and people who break established rules undermine this effort, and are rarely tolerated by Logisticians. Structure and rules foster dependability; chaos creates unforeseen setbacks and missed deadlines.
- Jacks-of-all-trades – Much like Analyst personality types, Logisticians are proud repositories of knowledge, though the emphasis is more on facts and statistics than concepts and underlying principles. This allows Logisticians to apply themselves to a variety of situations, picking up and applying new data and grasping the details of challenging situations as a matter of course.
The Logistician personality type is thought to be the most abundant, making up around 13% of the population. Their defining characteristics of integrity, practical logic and tireless dedication to duty make Logisticians a vital core to many families, as well as organizations that uphold traditions, rules and standards, such as law offices, regulatory bodies and military. People with the Logistician personality type enjoy taking responsibility for their actions, and take pride in the work they do – when working towards a goal, Logisticians hold back none of their time and energy completing each relevant task with accuracy and patience.
Logisticians don’t make many assumptions, preferring instead to analyze their surroundings, check their facts and arrive at practical courses of action. Logistician personalities are no-nonsense, and when they’ve made a decision, they will relay the facts necessary to achieve their goal, expecting others to grasp the situation immediately and take action. Logisticians have little tolerance for indecisiveness, but lose patience even more quickly if their chosen course is challenged with impractical theories, especially if they ignore key details – if challenges becomes time-consuming debates, Logisticians can become noticeably angry as deadlines tick nearer.
Associate With Those of Good Quality if You Esteem Your Reputation…
When Logisticians say they are going to get something done, they do it, meeting their obligations no matter the personal cost, and they are baffled by people who don’t hold their own word in the same respect. Combining laziness and dishonesty is the quickest way to get on Logisticians’ bad side. Consequently, people with the Logistician personality type often prefer to work alone, or at least have their authority clearly established by hierarchy, where they can set and achieve their goals without debate or worry over other’s reliability.
Logisticians have sharp, fact-based minds, and prefer autonomy and self-sufficiency to reliance on someone or something. Dependency on others is often seen by Logisticians as a weakness, and their passion for duty, dependability and impeccable personal integrity forbid falling into such a trap.
This sense of personal integrity is core to Logisticians, and goes beyond their own minds – Logistician personalities adhere to established rules and guidelines regardless of cost, reporting their own mistakes and telling the truth even when the consequences for doing so could be disastrous. To Logisticians, honesty is far more important than emotional considerations, and their blunt approach leaves others with the false impression that Logisticians are cold, or even robotic. People with this type may struggle to express emotion or affection outwardly, but the suggestion that they don’t feel, or worse have no personality at all, is deeply hurtful.
…For It Is Better to Be Alone Than in Bad Company
Logisticians’ dedication is an excellent quality, allowing them to accomplish much, but it is also a core weakness that less scrupulous individuals take advantage of. Logisticians seek stability and security, considering it their duty to maintain a smooth operation, and they may find that their coworkers and significant others shift their responsibilities onto them, knowing that they will always take up the slack. Logisticians tend to keep their opinions to themselves and let the facts do the talking, but it can be a long time before observable evidence tells the whole story.
Logisticians need to remember to take care of themselves – their stubborn dedication to stability and efficiency can compromise those goals in the long term as others lean ever-harder on them, creating an emotional strain that can go unexpressed for years, only finally coming out after it’s too late to fix. If they can find coworkers and spouses who genuinely appreciate and complement their qualities, who enjoy the brightness, clarity and dependability that they offer, Logisticians will find that their stabilizing role is a tremendously satisfying one, knowing that they are part of a system that works.
Happiness and Moral Duty Are Inseparably Connected
Blind dates and random hookups are not Logisticians’ preferred methods for finding potential partners. The risk and unpredictability of these situations has Logisticians’ alarm bells ringing, and being dragged out for a night of dancing at the club just isn’t going to happen. Logistician personalities much prefer more responsible, conservative methods of dating, such as dinner with an interested coworker or, in their more adventurous moods, a setup organized through a mutual friend.
Logisticians approach relationships, as with most things, from a rational perspective, looking for compatibility and the mutual satisfaction of daily and long-term needs. This isn’t a process that Logisticians take lightly, and once commitments are established, they stick to their promises to the very end. Logisticians establish foundations, fulfill their responsibilities, and keep their relationships functional and stable.
While this may not translate into particularly exotic intimate lives, Logisticians are dependable lovers who want very much for their partners to remain satisfied. It takes patience on the part of more adventurous partners, but if different activities can be demonstrated as equally or more enjoyable than those already within Logisticians’ comfort zones, they are perfectly capable of trying something new.
However, emotional satisfaction can be another matter. While Logisticians are able to provide surprisingly good emotional support, this only happens when they realize that it’s necessary, and there’s the rub. Logisticians are not naturally receptive to others’ emotions, not unless they are stated clearly, and a partner usually only says “I’m angry” when it’s too late to address the initial grievance.
Let Your Heart Feel Their Afflictions, and Give Proportionally
People with the Logistician personality type can get so caught up in the belief in their correctness, in “winning” arguments they thought were about facts, that they don’t realize their partner may have viewed things from a perspective of consideration and sensitivity. Especially with more sensitive partners, this can be a huge challenge for the relationship. Ultimately though, Logisticians’ senses of responsibility and dedication set the tone, and they spare no effort in noting to this distinction moving forward, the consequences having been demonstrated as real.
While Logisticians’ staid approach may seem boring to some, there is an undeniable attractiveness to it, though felt perhaps more by respect and admiration than emotional passion. Logisticians’ shells hide a strong and quiet determination and reliability, rare among other personality types, which can benefit even the flightiest personalities, allowing them to stay connected to the real world while still exploring new territory. Partners who share the Observant (S) trait are the best fit for Logistician personalities, with one or two opposing traits to create balance and to expand Logisticians’ sometimes overly isolated world, such as partners with Extraverted (E) or Prospecting (P) traits.
Logistician friends are not spontaneous. They are not talkative, or particularly playful in their affection. What Logistician friends are is loyal, trustworthy, honorable and dependable. Others may come and go with the ups and downs of life, but Logisticians stay by their friends’ sides no matter what, with a deepness of commitment that other types may not even believe is possible.
True Friendship Is a Plant of Slow Growth
Logisticians are a very methodical personality type, and this loyalty isn’t given away lightly. Often slow to make friends, Logisticians usually end up with a smaller circle, but they consider that circle to represent a promise to be there for the people they care about, and Logisticians’ promises are not easily broken.
Expressing emotional affection isn’t one of Logisticians’ stronger skills, but they nevertheless find ways to show it. As Socrates said, “To be is to do”, and Logisticians’ follow-through, their willingness to take action as a show of support, stands in for their words.
But all of this sounds terribly serious, and indeed it only shows the one side of Logisticians and their approach to their friendships. The other side knows how to stop being quite so staid, and especially in the company of joyful and talkative Extraverts (E), Logisticians enjoy relaxing and having fun with a good discussion about work, life, and current events.
People with the Logistician personality type don’t like conflict, and this applies to how they select their friends as well. Seeking out friends with similar principles and opinions, Logisticians most often befriend other Sentinels personalities, who are likely to share their perspective and world vision. While they are unlikely to become friends with substantially different types – it simply takes too much energy to bridge the communication gap – Logistician personalities still recognize and appreciate others’ strengths and qualities.
Knowledge Is the Surest Basis of Happiness
In fact, as if to prove the point, Logisticians almost always have at least one Intuitive (N) friend in their inner circle, despite the disconnect the two perspectives bring. These are very much relationships built not on mutual understanding, but out of respect for their mutual differences. Logisticians marvel at Intuitives’ breadth of thought, being very much in tune with their own intelligence, while Intuitives admire Logisticians’ realism and dependability, something they are often hard-pressed to find in themselves. Knowledge, as always, is the great equalizer.
As parents, people with the Logistician personality type are often the most comfortable. Their sense of responsibility and honor blends well with a tradition that has been in place since time immemorial: to raise one’s children to be respected, contributing members of home and society. As with most commitments, Logisticians do not take their roles as parents lightly, and will make it their work to ensure that this tradition is upheld to the highest standard.
This doesn’t always come easily for their children though, as Logisticians tend to be strict, with high standards and expectations. Logistician personalities establish stable, clearly structured environments for their children, always with an eye on helping them to develop a sense of place in society, and to fulfill useful roles.
All this loyalty, devotion and structure are of little use though when Logisticians’ children need the warmth of emotional support. While Logisticians can be sensitive towards those they care about in their own way, it’s hard for younger children and especially adolescents to recognize this tough love for the love that it is. Often Logisticians need to rely on a more sensitive partner to fill this role and mediate between rational purpose and the more ethereal sense of emotional well-being.
Success Is Owed to Our Parents’ Moral and Intellectual Teachings
People with the Logistician personality type are strongly principled, valuing patience and hard work, qualities children often struggle with. Nevertheless, Logisticians’ children are expected to meet these standards and share these values, for their own good. This approach often bears its fruit in the long run, but Logisticians must keep in mind that their approach creates natural barriers and distance that often leave their children wondering if they’re on the same team.
Taken too far, or with mutual stubbornness, this may even set in as a permanent state in the relationship, something both Logistician parents and their children ultimately regret. It is best for Logisticians to embrace and hold to their own values, but to also recognize that each person has their own goals, and to meet their children halfway in attaining theirs. Combining their natural devotion and purpose with this flexibility in support of their children’s own vision leads to a sense of mutual respect and accomplishment that any Logistician parent would be proud of.
LOGISTICIANS IN THE WORKPLACE
When it comes to the workplace, Logisticians are almost a stereotype for the classic hard-working, dutiful employee. In all positions, the Logistician personality type seeks structure, clearly defined rules, and respect for authority and hierarchy. Responsibilities aren’t burdens to Logisticians, they are the trust that has been placed in them, an opportunity to prove once again that they are the right person for the job.
On the other hand, the change that comes with assuming those new responsibilities, or in losing old ones, is often a significant struggle for Logisticians. This presents itself differently in different positions of authority, but it is one of Logisticians’ most significant challenges to overcome. The usual insensitivity common to all Thinking (T) types is also a running theme here, something many people with the Logistician personality type choose to focus on in their personal and professional development.
Logisticians crave responsibility, which makes them the go-to subordinates for odds and ends and unpopular projects. Often seen as jacks of all trades, Logistician personalities can competently tackle any project that comes with a manual. On the other hand, this makes them reluctant to give up responsibilities even when they are overburdened, or when there are better people for the job. The seriousness in Logisticians’ approach to their work makes them surprisingly sensitive to criticism, leading to a sometimes vexing level of inflexibility.
Their stubbornness aside, or perhaps because of it, Logisticians are quite possibly one of the most productive subordinates – they respect authority and hierarchy, and have no problem following orders and instructions. Punctuality is unlikely to ever be an issue, either in terms of showing up to work on time, or in terms of meeting project deadlines. While Logisticians may need clearly set steps and well-defined responsibilities, they are exceptionally loyal, dedicated, meticulous and patient in completing their work.
Among colleagues, no one can be trusted more to ensure that projects are finished on time and by the book than Logisticians. Quiet and methodical, people with the Logistician personality type keep cool when the going gets tough, but expect their colleagues to share their approach. Significantly different types, especially more emotional ones, baffle Logisticians with their need for emotional support and openness, or capacity for dropping something, half finished. To Logisticians, either something’s been done right or it’s been done wrong, and sugarcoating it or walking away isn’t going to fix it.
Logisticians value peace and security in the workplace, and the easiest way for this to happen is for them to simply work alone. Innovations, brainstorming, theories and new ideas all disrupt this comfortable state, and it takes a great deal of respect on Logisticians’ part to acknowledge their validity. Once the details have been laid out and a plan of implementation established though, Logisticians are an indispensable part of the team in putting these ideas into practice.
Logisticians love responsibility and the power resulting from it. Pressing themselves hard to meet their obligations, Logisticians regularly go above and beyond their duties, and expect their subordinates to act with the same level of dedication. At the same time, Logisticians’ preference for doing things by the book, adherence to hierarchy, and general aversion to innovation makes their subordinates ride a very thin line when they do – stepping out of bounds must be backed up with just the facts, and results.
It is said that it is better to do first and ask permission later – it’s difficult to say whether this applies to Logisticians, as they are very intolerant of their subordinates’ failures to meet their obligations, and one of those obligations is to stick to the plan. Believing that truth, at least as far as they see it, is more important than sensitivity, Logistician personalities are capable of laying down hard criticism, and their willingness to make tough decisions can make perceived insubordination the final trespass.
LOGISTICIAN PERSONALITY – CONCLUSION
Few personality types are as practical and dedicated as Logisticians. Known for their reliability and hard work, Logisticians are good at creating and maintaining a secure and stable environment for themselves and their loved ones. Logisticians’ dedication is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.
Yet Logisticians can be easily tripped up in areas where their practical and methodical approach are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner, learning to relax or improvise, reaching dazzling heights on the career ladder, or managing their workload, Logisticians need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.
What you have read so far is just an introduction into the complex concept that is the Logistician personality type. You may have muttered to yourself, “wow, this is so accurate it’s a little creepy” or “finally, someone understands me!” You may have even asked “how do they know more about me than the people I’m closest to?”
This is not a trick. You felt understood because you were. We’ve studied how Logisticians think and what they need to reach their full potential. And no, we did not spy on you – many of the challenges you’ve faced and will face in the future have been overcome by other Logisticians. You simply need to learn how they succeeded.
But in order to do that, you need to have a plan, a personal roadmap. The best car in the world will not take you to the right place if you do not know where you want to go. We have told you how Logisticians tend to behave in certain circumstances and what their key strengths and weaknesses are. Now we need to go much deeper into your personality type and answer “why?”, “how?” and “what if?”
This knowledge is only the beginning of a lifelong journey. Are you ready to learn why Logisticians act in the way they do? What motivates and inspires you? What you are afraid of and what you secretly dream about? How you can unlock your true, exceptional potential?
Our premium profiles provide a roadmap towards a happier, more successful, and more versatile YOU. They are not for everyone though – you need to be willing and able to challenge yourself, to go beyond the obvious, to imagine and follow your own path instead of just going with the flow. If you want to take the reins into your own hands, we are here to help you.
I wanted a garden of flowers, firmly rooted, colorful and fertilized to maintain growth.
Until my previous admiration of cupids lucky lovers ‘just because’ flowers left me bitter. To further explain, I would not accept it due to a distasteful finding of the now dead flowers sent to a crowned ‘queen’ that was nothing but a one night stand.
To the individual who ordered from New Jersey then sent to my college campus in Florida – you beat the social norm.
In the end, pizza trumps flowers.
As I reflected on the past years, I regained the painful memory of endless assessment tests in hope of find a suitable career path for an individual such as myself. With the reattempts of testing – I hoped to finally get the result of my purpose in life which will guide me towards my career path. To compare and contrast the last assessment, I will post my individual results describing the type of person I am – then find my purpose (hopefully.)
To begin with my current college’s assessment test:
1. Work Interest: Holland Code is: EIC
Enterprising: “The Persuaders” — (score: 66.667) People in the enterprising category often prefer activities selling and promoting. They enjoy influencing others and being in a leadership position. They often use their skills to influence others. They often like competitive activities and are often self-confident, talkative and energetic. They generally enjoy discussing politics, selling and promoting, having power and status, giving talks and speeches, and leading groups.
Investigative: “The Thinkers” — (Score: 54.167) People in the investigative category often have a strong desire to understand cause and effect, and solve puzzles and problems. They often work in jobs that are scientific in nature. Their work often involves the analysis of data, using formulas, graphs and numbers. Investigative types typically prefer to work independently, and with minimum supervision. People in this category generally enjoy using computers, solving math problems, interpreting formulas, and thinking abstractly.
Conventional: “The Organizers” — (Score: 50) People in the conventional category often prefer orderly, systematic work. Work tasks often include keeping records, and organizing written and numerical materials according to a plan. They like to see things run efficiently and smoothly, which means they will pay attention to administrative details. They generally enjoy keeping accurate records, organizing, working with numbers, and using a computer.
Self Assessment (Your score: 3.83) — Self Assessment is the first and most important step in career planning and is used to identify occupations and major study areas compatible with your personal attributes. Your high self assessment score indicates that you are very involved in examining your interests, values, personality, and skills. It is important that you stay actively involved in self assessment because finding a satisfying career path begins with knowing yourself.
Career Exploration (Your score: 2.50) — Career Exploration is important because learning about types of jobs, educational requirements, and job functions will help you to identify occupations that appeal to you. Your medium score indicates that you are moderately involved in career exploration. It is important that you continue or increase your involvement in career exploration because it will help you narrow down your options and map out your career goals. Exploration should be ongoing because new career paths are constantly unfolding, traditional ones are changing and shifts may be taking place in skills and educational requirements.
Career Planning Satisfaction (Your score: 2.83) — Career Planning Satisfaction measures the extent to which you are satisfied with the results of your career planning activities and your ability to resolve problems that can interfere with your decision making. Your medium score suggests you may be experiencing some problems with your career planning. If you think you are not able to resolve problems of concern on your own, you should discuss them with a career counselor.
2. Your Personality Type: Caring, Flexible, Harmonious, Adaptable, Loyal
- You are caring and understanding of the needs of other people.
- You enjoy working with people who share your values and prefer to work on projects that make a contribution to the well being of other people.
- Your personal values play an important role in your decisions and you want to get a real sense of purpose from your work.
- You are action oriented and try to help other people in a practical way.
- Your approach to work is to be flexible and to keep your options open.
- You find it easy to adapt to changing situations.
Choosing Your Career:
People with your personality type are attracted to occupations where you can work directly with people in ways that help contribute to their well being. Examples of such occupations can be found in fields such as health care, community services, counseling, teaching, and some areas of business.
3. Leisure Interest : ICR
Inquiring: “The Thinkers” – (Score: 45.833) People with this orientation like to be involved in activities that have to do with ideas and thinking; these are people who like to observe, learn, investigate, analyze, evaluate, or solve problems. They like to search for facts and figure out problems mentally. They prefer working with ideas rather than with people or things. They are often described as being analytical, curious, methodical, rational, cautious, independent, precise, reserved, complex, intellectual, and modest.
Correct: “The Organizers” – (Score: 41.667) People with this orientation generally like to be involved in activities that follow set procedures and routines. They like to work with data and details, have clerical or numerical ability, and carry out tasks in great detail. They are often described as being conforming, practical, careful, obedient, thrifty, efficient, orderly, conscientious, and persistent.
Reality: “The Doers” – (Score: 16.667) People with this orientation generally prefer hands-on activities, and tend to focus on things in the physical world. They typically enjoy working with tools or machines, and often gravitate to toward careers that can be performed outdoors. They are often described as being frank, genuine, humble, practical, natural, and persistent.
Growing up as the youngest and only girl of four children, I was enjoying my stir-fried life; never really enjoying having my hair done or running freely down my back — I a firm ponytail girl. As I aged, I have experienced a self identity issue – not a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder – but a case of being influenced by those around me. Now at an age where I can perceive the social standards and norm for an individual, for a female at least, I made an ‘irrational’ decision to cut my hair off — I was dissatisfied with the allure of hair color, length, and style.
As time flourished, I struggled to understand the appeal and standards of men and women – I first experienced an episode displaying such examples by my mother and father. I saw my mother as a beautiful creature, so emotional and willing to modify her natural features to satisfy fathers fetish for blonde hair; I could only recall her having bleach blonde hair at a young age. I was then aware that women are willing to alter natural attributes to gratify another imperfect individual. As I felt unwanted throughout my life, I questioned myself – I asked myself a series of questions: Am I good enough? Am I even attractive? Is it because I am not sending seductive pictures of my unfertilized assets? Is it because of my height?
And so, I began to search for what it was that I lacked and set a goal to obtain the seductive look that would turn me into a “heart breaker.” After experiencing sleepless nights, resisting the symptoms of depression, and striving for perfection — I finally became numb and disdained my own health and personal hygiene (I bathe regularly – I lacked the attention to the details that made me feel more feminine.) Since it was strenuous for me to even accept myself at the time, I lacked self maintenance then made the conclusion that it would difficult for someone else to truly love me. Since the exposure of my mothers modifications to attract my fathers attention – I suppose, I made an attempt to follow the same tedious pattern.
In 2014, I made a dramatic decision to cut my hair short (Ruby Rose short, I did this before I was aware of her existence.) What was my logic behind this action? Well, I wanted a change, which is a focused reason why most women would cut or color their hair. In my case, I was experience withdraws of myself as an individual, I wanted to become someone new, a brand new me with the hopes of still being attractive in the eyes of society. Imagine cutting all of your hair off as when it once tickled my hip bones, it now tickled the cartilage of my ears (depending on which side my hair feel on that day.) It was a dramatic adjustment – since majority of the female population roams the earth with long majestic hair. I later found that even with this short hair cut I was still getting attention, it was slightly soothing. Later in the year, I found out that blondes are typically a mans first hand pick compared to an active & competitive female with short hair. My mental health took a plummeting spiral into landing me in a facility where I found myself talking among other individuals with differing mental health issues and in front of a licensed doctor paid to diagnose individuals with a crippling label and prescribing what I call ‘happy pills.’
In between 2015 and 2016, I recuperated by letting my hair grow back out and investing my time in power lifting, mixed martial arts, social media, and college. I still could not find the reasoning as to why I felt to different in some way, (I was not experience a gender crisis) I was discovering why I still felt detained and searched for my career path. By the end of a harrowing year, I removed myself and my other half from a negative county and upbringing, to advanced as an independent individual. In a new house hold and county – I still was no satisfied with the positive change. So, on 2017/Jan/13 I buzz cut my hair off (picture Evey from V for Vendetta and her military cut.)
For the first time, I felt the sensation of reincarnation that night. Prior to maintaining the duties of hair care, I neglected to realize what else came with my choice. Some people would say, ” I’d never cut my hair” or gawk in my direction – I was impressed with the amount of compliments I received from other women and some men. And with my rebirth came a new sense of perception towards others, myself, and life in general. Since my drastic hair cut, I have invested more of my time to self maintenance, achieving goals for the year, and growing as a pure individual. In this time, I became more modest, conservative with my actions and assets, and humble.
Prior to that night, I grew aware of the social standards; The petty things that I acknowledged about others life style such as their physical appearance, lack of or too much of make up, their nails, eyebrows, or webbed toes – I once saw them in a negative light. I knocked my self off of a high horse which reconstructed my harsh criticism; On my way down, my pre-madonna ego was shattered then I began to rebuild my structure with an invisible cast made of kindness, compassion, and the drive to be successful.
What a fascinating psychology experiment.
Picture of the past:
I won’t stress it.
I tried to go to sleep but I was making myself upset with some unsaid words.
I understand my past was dung in a puddle of piss
I will make a solid truce to myself because I am good enough. I am unkind at times, insensitive, and something selfish and suck at communicating when I am upset & it is completely okay with me that some people do not approve of me. I would not want to be with someone like myself either because ‘i am not s**t’ so why put up with my s**t? All I can say is that I am making a difference and even though it can not change the past — the past has changed me.
College has been a challenge, a much appreciated challenge though. It is has helped me figure out the kind of person that I am. When I was 20 years old it was suggested to take the Brigg’s Myers personality test. My result was: INTJ – introversion, intuition, thinking, judgment. After taking that test the first time I didn’t read too much into it. I didn’t really look too much into detail with my results. This was until I felt like I was going through some change in my life; My second time taking the test I got INFJ. I was confused to believe which personality type I was. So, I decided to wait until I started college again to take this test again to test my personality type hypothesis. Was I going through some odd chemical imbalance when I took the Brigg’s test again. The results ending results: INTJ: 2 – INFJ:1
I have decided to test myself again in October after midterms. My brother and I are will be retaking this test after we stay up endless nights studying and doing homework before midterms.
Brigg’s Myers personality traits:
“INTJs are ambitious, self-confident, deliberate, long-range thinkers. Many INTJs end up in engineering or scientific pursuits, although some find enough challenge within the business world in areas which involve organizing and strategic planning. They dislike messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. They value clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating their insights into structured patterns.”
People in the investigative category often have a strong desire to understand cause and effect, and solve puzzles and problems. They often work in jobs that are scientific in nature. Their work often involves the analysis of data, using formulas, graphs and numbers. Investigative types typically prefer to work independently, and with minimum supervision. People in this category generally enjoy using computers, solving math problems, interpreting formulas, and thinking abstractly.
In the beginning of 2015 I have once again landed myself as an enrolled full time college student. This year is different from the last. In 2014 I have completed 42 credit hours and graduated with my Associates in Science at the age of 20. Starting bright and early tomorrow morning I will be considered a college slave to my studies to complete my Associates in Art. During my experience since the beginning of this year, I have over come many obstacles that spontaneously happen to land in my path. I have learned a handful of lessons in my first six months as a full time student, such as:
- As a student and work study it is not possible to study during work hours
- Social media is a major distraction (Deleted all major accounts)
- Getting involved with others who do not share the same aspirations is only a distraction
- Procrastination is not my friend
- Study from the textbook and lecture notes
- Always bring a jacket and water to class
- Switching back and forth between on a major is normal
- Sitting in front of the class is helpful not hurtful
- The gym and I will be needing some time apart from each other
- Be observant, a phenomenal listener, and think before making decisions. This quote has a lot to do with number 10 – “”Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” – Plato.”
I have concluded that making simple changes in my daily life will not demolish my foundations of built self esteem and knowledge. These simple changes that have been addressed will be a successful start to my lovely, agonizing, stressful, sleepless, and anxiety filled college term. My school, work, and home schedule for this fall is stuffed like a turkey on Thanksgiving. With handling four classes this term and a part time job, my thought on picking up an additional class might be out of the question. Pssh! Who am I kidding? I am thinking about taking a natural science class as well.
Who knows, maybe I will enroll myself into GER1120 and buy a plane ticket sometime next year.
- What is your current GPA?
- What class do you enjoy the most?
- Did you switch and day classes for night? (Do it before drop/add)
- What are some distractions?
I have not gone to bed yet (it is almost 6am.)