Start of a spark

In spark of conversation,

The tools I needed in life began to appear

The music of artists sounded with heavy clouds in the night sky

Insight with what I needed to became began in life as I set boundaries and kept the rules impel 

With an active tongue and lack of satisfaction I will make the change that was always lacking 

Inverted passions

Somewhere inside of me I can feel this boiling sensation to travel.

Not only to travel to see and experience life in another continent, to open my eyes for once and see what it is the other human beings in this world are living with or what they lack of.

I can feel something deep inside of me, a undiscovered passion or purpose that lies buried beneath my conscious. When I travel to someplace new, I can see it now: I will carry with me my passion in my life’s purpose.

May it be building schools, teaching English, providing shelter or clothing, or finding a cure for diseases, to prevent children and their family’s to be torn apart and those who are murdered and raped, prevent the killing and domestication of wild animals, making the world a better place.

5955 sitting

Here is a little update on my absence, not like you’d really care.

I started college again, full time; I told myself I wouldn’t challenge myself like that again. Taking four classes, working full time at the hospital, and maintaining study times, habits, and finding some free time to maintain myself and spend time with my son.

Since I was hired on to work the second shift at the hospital – this means that I work from 7pm to 7am. Shall I add that I have 8am classes Monday thru Thursday? There are times that I find myself waking up around 5am in the morning, not able to doze back off to sleep before my day begins. My weekday mornings roughly start at 5am and my typical routine to run 2 miles, study with a cup of coffee and watch I Love Lucy or Law and Order: Special Victim Unit goes accordingly.

By week three (almost four) I begin to feel the change, my body is finally reacting in ways that felt familiar but abnormal. I would nap frequently, have episodes where I display attitudes, complain about one thing or another, eat frequently to regain energy to complete my day, and crave sugar (more than normal). Some of these symptoms might seem normal to my previous history, however, a hypertension blood pressure at the age of 23 was a major sign that I was pushing myself to the limit.

After having two days off and reconsidering my college major, I return to work on May 26th. A quarter till midnight, a pounding headache developed like the one you get during a caffeine withdraw. I tried to ignore this feeling as the pressure increased as I grew dizzy in a still computer chair. At this point, I swallowed my pride and asked the charge nurse for a OTC pill to subside the aching. I walked around to regain myself and shake off the feeling then seconds later I find myself dry heaving over the toilet. I felt like it was just an induced reaction by thought, so I continue to walk around the halls on the cardiac unit. Within minutes, I located the charge nurse to ask to be dismissed for the night. This is when she took my blood pressure and was shocked at the results: 171/117. She rushed me down to the first floor in the emergency room. I tried to stay away from this situation as I felt like I was the last grain of sand in the hourglass of life. Rushing to the surprisingly clean bathroom, I begin to vomit uncontrollably; with buckling knees, unstable balance, and weary awareness – I utilize my employee badge and let myself into the emergency room from the waiting room to find an empty bed. The only time I have ever felt my heart work so hard, beating damn near out of my chest was…. never. The experience has scared me to another level of self awareness.

Needless to say,

there is a possibility that I could have high blood pressure at a young age or is could be stress/anxiety induced with a splash of lack of sleep.

Am I over thinking my ability to become a great doctor? Am I afraid of the work? or am I just lazy to attend so many years of schooling to actually make something of my family name? It bothers me how my father came from Cuba with nothing and made an empire only he can claim. He gave me everything he never had to want me to become successful and here I am, second guessing myself. Maybe I am lazy, over worked, or just resentful for the times that we have had our disagreements. Another thing is, I want to have a job that I will enjoy for the rest of my life, something not too stressful, great paying job that is challenging with benefits, growth in the career and within the business.

Who would I be if I didn’t know what my zodiac sign was, or Myers Briggs personality type is, or even that ridiculous personality color type…
If I didn’t do those tests or listen to others, what would I do as a career that would satisfy me for my entire life time?

Diet desire

One thing I do not understand about human beings is their desire to be healthy.
Okay, when you create a workout plan, 12 week plan, buying pre prepared meals, Her life protein shakes…. Okay,

Here is where I will be a blunt bitch.

When you desire to be healthy, be thinner or put on more mass – it begins with your diet. By diet I do not mean eating salads for three months; I mean by eating in proper proportions. By over indulging in a crap load of dishes high in cholesterol, fat, and sodium & DO NOT work out — then do NOT expect the results you want. Without the will there is no change.

Nightshift

While I am awake  when you are a sleep,

I remember when you saved the black sheep

Young, broken, and misunderstood,

you helped repair her broken wings

the Shepard who healed the flightless bird

showed love and healed her with compassion,

Away she flew to expose her vulnerability 

then a black sheep she became again

to the Shepard she returned to once more

2017/Apr/27

J.D.I

I want to go home

Lungren told me that it’d be a good idea to get a consular – someone I can talk to.
After that visit, I knew that I would not pursue any of my personal time in it because I get in these moods where I confine my thoughts – typically I am not the type of lassy to share my thoughts. Let me reflect momentarily, I would say it is due to my blunt remarks or lack of empathy for some scenarios, which would eventually boil up to a disastrous argument.

Among my expressions of self destruction

history repeats itself with another self manifested reconstruction, 

Here, again.. we are connected by the similar feeling of innocent lovers past

I choke back my tears and fluster over my heaping breaths to search 

for a clue, or a new beginning of words to create a chance of creation.

Forgive and forget, but nevertheless, do not distant the feeling of

youthful sensations from a withering lovers quarrel;

This is similar in many ways, the story might portray the same state

sanity or insanity – you create the relationship to a realistic fantasy.

 Confessions with the priest is not as revealing compared to your presence of relief ,

I begin to understand why each touch tends to feel heartbreaking

the connection attracts every memory we practice erasing, setting us free.

In-hailing your scent in silence, ex-hailing tears of temporary comfort

I want to go home but you finally moved on.

– JDI

 

 

10 intellectually stimulating websites

  • If Everyone Knew – Some short trivia about interesting and not so well known topics.
  • Unplug the TV – Instead of watching TV watch these awesome and educating videos.
  • Academic Earth – Search for online video courses from multiple well known colleges.
  • Codecademy – Free interactive courses in programming languages and different technologies.
  • Mental Floss – Mostly some awesome lists with facts, but they have a really well made YouTube channel worth subscribing.
  • TED – Most famous one of these sites, but worth checking it every day. Presentations from famous or experienced people.
  • LessWrong – Learn critical thinking from dozens of awesome articles on LessWrong.
  • OpenCulture – Hundreds of cultural and scientific courses for free!
  • Duolingo – 50+ languages you can learn for completely free! The site teaches you a new language from the basics in an interactive and fun way.
  • Coursera – One of the biggest database for free courses about dozens of different topics, presented by experts in the field.

8 hobbies that will make you smarter

  • Learning a language – It slows brain aging, makes mentally demanding tasks to be performed better.
  • Exercising – There are dozens of scientific researches that show exercising is good for your health and brain. Improves blood circulation in brain and increases the size of hippocampus, which is involved in learning.
  • Meditation – Many areas will get more active after sessions of meditations according to a research from Harvard. If you have any question or don’t know how to get started check out meditation subreddit.
  • Tutoring – If  you teach someone about a topic you are expert or at least familiar with re-affirms what you know.
  • Writing – Writing by yourself increases your ability to express yourself better, also makes you learn a lot by doing research for your writings. Easiest way to start blogging.
  • Video games – According to a research from Leiden University from 2012 playing video games develops working memory. Only half an our a day increase gray matter in the brain.
  • Playing an instrument – Music activates many areas of your brain.
  • Reading – According to a study from Emory University reading about something activates the same neural connections that you use in real life. For example if you are reading about driving it triggers the same neural connections as when you are actually driving.

How to boost your confidence

  • Wear fitting clothes. It will make you more elegant and people will notice, boosting your confidence.
  • Stand straight. It takes “practice” but eventually you will get used to it.
  • Try something you are scared of. For sure you met some obstacles in your life where you knew you can’t do it, but after passing said obstacle you were wondering why were you so scared of it before.
  • Observe people who already accomplished something and try to mirror their body language. Learn about body language here.
  • Learn something new. After learning a new skill or language you will feel like you accomplished something great, boosting your confidence.
  • General advice, but get in shape. Go to the gym and try losing weight if you have to. Also try to eat healthy.
  • Speak slower and in general do things slower. You will notice you will have time to think through your next step, making you look more organized and confident.
  • Don’t lose hope if you fail at first, just simply try again.

Websites to help you choose your next movie to watch

  • Suggest Me Movie – An awesome movie recommendation engine.
  • A Good Movie to Watch – One of the best places on the internet if you want to watch a movie you maybe never heard about.
  • Netflix Roulette – Spin the “wheel” and get a movie recommendation. All the movies recommended by the site are available on Netflix.
  • FlickSurfer – Recommends movies based on ratings from various sites.
  • ReelScary – If you are looking for a really scary movie, this is the place.
  • Netflix Codes – All the Netflix hidden categories are listed here.
  • Date Night Movies – In case you and your partner can’t decide what to watch, this site will recommend a movie based on your favorites.
  • Jinni – Arguably the best movie recommendation engine online.